Byword on the Street
Byword Smith is a young comic and writer
located in Prince Georges County, MD. Truer than an innocent man
in a lie detector test, he loves vocabulary and communication
and is exhilarated by people who speak their mind. Whether or
not he agrees is important, but secondary. His personal interests
are loving his wife, and learning new things. Byword performs
his comedy throughout the DC Metropolitan area, and houses his
literary work at www.bywordsmith.com.
Mother's Days
I am the only child raised by a single parent. When I tell people
that they immediately respond, "You spoiled!" That might
be true for some kids but not for me-not when you're raised by a
single parent! The last thing I am is spoiled.
"Ma, can we go to Toys-r-us?"
"Toys-r-us? Toys ain't for us! Toys are for spoiled kids with
two parents! C'mon boy, I'm taking you to the dollar store."
Let's be clear: the dollar store is NOT, I repeat, NOT where you
should ever get toys for your kids. They have the reject toys. They
didn't have He-Man, they had "Is-He-A-Man." He had muscles
but he had a dress on. I guess it was for boys AND girls. They didn't
have Transformers, they had "Changers." The one my mother
bought me changed into a stop sign. I think that toy was a sign
that my mother should have stopped buying me toys from the dollar
store!
My mother is always looking for stuff on sale. Always asking me
if I got what I got on sale. Doesn't matter what it is-as long as
it cost something, my mother has to make sure I didn't pay full
price.
"Ma, I just got in to college."
"You get in on sale, baby? I think I have a coupon for that."
"Ma, I just bought a house."
"You get that on sale, baby? I think I have a coupon for that."
"Ma, I just had surgery. I got a kidney removed."
"You get that on sale, baby? I know I have a coupon for that!
Two for one special"
I don't blame my mother at all for trying to save a dollar. That's
what happens when you are left to fend on your own. My father was,
and still is, a deadbeat. He left my mother when she was pregnant
with me. If I saw him on the street today, I wouldn't recognize
him. I only met him once. I guess he thought that all he knew he
could teach me in a day.
"Son, I've got something to teach you. Pay attention because
it's really important. You listening? Okay, I am going to teach
you…how to breathe. Are you paying attention? Okay. You breathe
in…you breathing in? Good. Okay, that's all I know. Bye."
That fool left me standing there for ten minutes before my mother
came and told me that I had to breathe out. From then on I knew
that when it came to my father being around, I shouldn't hold my
breath.
At any rate, I love my mother. She is a beautiful person, and has
set a very strong example of how to be loving, hard working, and
of course, cheap.
- Byword Smith
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